Nobody Wants to be a Burden
As we age, we may experience cognitive or physical decline in our abilities. Wise seniors plan ahead.
For most people, Nobody Wants to be a Burden is a tough subject that will likely be avoided and eventually may cause a lot of heartache in your family. However, this overlooked topic (almost a pooh-poohed subject) deserves your attention. Let's modernize our thinking. Let's make Nobody Wants to be a Burden an actionable part of financial planning!
Being a burden is not solely a financial topic. What it comes down to is how do your kids, other family members, or friends deal with you when you turn into a cranky old fart? Yes, having a pile of money helps the issue, but having a clear plan is a solution that helps everyone and it's affordable to all! It only takes some time, attention, and documentation to craft what your life will look like in your last years.
We don't have to mope over it or see it as a dreaded task. Instead, we can choose to be forward-thinking and consider Nobody Wants to be a Burden as a goal to be achieved.
The ideal starting point for addressing this topic is best for individuals in their 50s, 60s, and 70s.
Few people age and escape any decline, because either our minds or bodies begin to wear out. Make it a goal to plan for the inevitable and Document your beliefs today, before the red flag arises.
In the event of your death or incapacitation, estate documents do the necessary job of outlining your intentions for healthcare and finance. However, as we age, these paper documents fall short of offering emotional support.
Think housing and driving privileges. Estate documents do not address these issues. Caregiving family members are left feeling distressed (to say the least) as aging parents essentially become rule-breakers!
Seniors don’t want to live anywhere but in their homes and don’t want to give up their cars!
Family and friends cringe when they hear about a senior's latest "senior moment" locking themselves out of their home, forgetting how to get home, or crashing the car.
Think this through while you are well. Consider how your aging will affect your family. Anticipate how you think your caregiving family or friends (POA for finance and healthcare) will handle issues for you as you age, and write a plan today in your own words. In essence, script your future life.
Document the following:
Where do you want to live? When you need help or care do you want to remain at your home or move into a family member's home? Do you see yourself rocking assisted living? Today, some Sr. Communities are like luxury resorts. You don’t have to cook or clean, They have lovely courtyards, theaters, and a dining hall. They can be like a Senior’s Club Med.
Who is your healthcare person? You should have an estate-documented POA for healthcare who is prepared to advocate for you at the hospital. Additionally, you can choose the same person or a different person to take you to your doctor appointments and be there for you to help with other regular tasks like medication reminders. Most likely, this person would be saddled with the dreaded conversation about your driving privileges. It’s better to talk about this now with one or two friends or your health person. Consider writing a letter of instruction to your future-self. Being proactive may lessen the eventual guilt you could inflict on family, friends, or a healthcare person.
Who is your financial person? Who will help you with your daily finances like paying bills and any banking you may need to do? How can you prepare this person to work with your financial advisor and others in your professional circle like your tax pro, estate attorney, and insurance agent? At some point, you may want to set a meeting to make introductions between your financial person and your professional circle.
“Nobody wants to be a burden” should be documented while remaining dynamic (in other words, it can be changed as needed over time and should be readdressed regularly). Your "Nobody wants to be a Burden" document can be retained with your estate documents to serve as a guide to those who are there to help you in the future.
Reviews and updates should be performed every 3-5 years for a person in their 50s, every 2-3 years for someone in their 60s, and annually for those age 70+. Whenever a serious medical issue arises, this will trigger a heightened awareness about this topic making this an ideal time to review your "Nobody wants to be a Burden" documents again.
Just like you have a bucket list or dream of going on that big trip, this is your chance to visualize the peaceful beauty of your senior lifestyle.
Do you want to move into the swankiest full-service senior community in your area? Is a quiet happy place at your home the ideal location for you? Can you afford the best, or can you create a special space on a modest budget?
As a financial advisor, clients come to me and ask the ever-popular question, when can I afford to retire? They tend to limit their outlook to retirement as the end of the game. In reality, retirement may last up to 30 years or more. In the beginning, retirement is the go-go years of doing what you want. You get to sleep in, no boss (except your spouse ;), and you can hang out with like-minded friends and your family. Woohoo, you worked hard and now you get to play!
However, eventually, you will begin to slow down. Retirement is not the end game. Retirement is just another stage in your life. Your final years (not a very eloquent way of putting it) will be your end game, so plan for this time and make it beautiful. Don't fear this topic. If you fear the topic and don't plan, you will become a financial or emotional burden to someone (most likely family).
Do you see yourself playing pickleball at the community court? Do you have an unused patio at home that has been calling for a remodel with new chairs and cushions? Would making a cozy nook under a window in your kitchen make you smile? You can spend a lot, or work with what you already own and love. The key is tackling this now and letting future caregivers know what you want your life to become.
If your estate documents do not align with your current wishes, work with your estate attorney to make any necessary document updates.
About the Author
Marianne Martini Nolte, CFP® provides tax-savvy wealth management for women and a few cool men.
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